I think the hardest part throughout this entire journey is that no matter how much time goes by, I don’t think I have ever completely adjusted to life without my mom. I’m not sure that a time will ever come that it will be fully normal to live life without her.
There will always be moments I need her. There will always be milestones that she is going to miss. There will always be situations that are awkward and uncomfortable with my dad. There is always going to be something.
So, no matter how much time goes by or how much I have “gotten used to” life without my mom, I don’t think I’m ever going to be fully adjusted to it.
Even when I do feel like things have gotten more comfortable and normal, life throws me another curve ball that I am left needing and craving the love and support from my mom.
I’m not sure I ever won’t envy my girlfriends talking about their weekend trips with their mothers.
I’m not sure I ever won’t feel awkward when people talk about their Mother’s Day plans.
I’m not sure I ever won’t cringe a little bit when I must think about my dad being with someone who isn’t my mom.
I’m not sure I’ll ever figure out who to turn to in the times when I only want my mom.
I’m not sure this whole process will ever be easy.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully adjusted to this “new normal”.
Being a motherless daughter has become a big part of my identity. It has shaken my world and flipped it upside down multiple times. It has changed me. For both the better and the worse. It has made me a different person. It has helped me grow. It has made me strong.
For more of Christie’s writing follow her on Facebook
Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother