There are so many things I have learned about grief in the years since my mom died. I have read a ton of books, talked to so many people and learned through so many of my own experiences throughout this “grief journey.”
The biggest thing I have learned through all of this- When you lose a parent, it’s the big milestones that test you the most. There isn’t any book or any person who could prepare you for the feeling of the first major moment your parent isn’t there for. There isn’t anything that could help you deal with the sadness and anger that you feel at a time that everyone expects you to be happy.
Graduating, getting married, having children, raising your children, your children’s milestones, the list goes on and on. All of the things that a parent is supposed to be there for, support us through and celebrate with us every step of the way.
How am I supposed to find joy in these things without them?
I think that is something that’s really hard for people who haven’t lost a parent to understand. They can’t understand why we aren’t happy on a day that is supposed to be filled with joy. They don’t understand why we dread the things that other people have been looking forward to their entire lives.
Losing a parent at an age where there are still so many milestones left is HARD. I don’t know another way to put it. It truly does test you. It tests your strength. It tests your resilience. It may be the most difficult part of losing a parent.
It’s the part of grief that never truly ends. It’s the part of grief that sneaks back up on you when you were doing fine. It’s the part of grief that never fully allows you to let go of your pain even in the times that you should be happy.
It tests you. Over and over again.
For more of Christie’s writing follow her on Facebook
Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother