Every year I sit down and try and reflect on what I am feeling throughout the weeks and days leading up to Mother’s Day. Even though every year is different, filled with new things- both exciting and difficult, the one feeling that always seems to remain is the feeling of isolation.
Everywhere around us becomes a full-blown advertisement and reminder that we are part of the dead mom’s club. There isn’t an email you can open or an isle that you can walk down that isn’t shouting in your face that there is this big holiday coming up to celebrate the person that you are missing so much.
I’ll admit, some years feel harder than others. Some years the timing of everything else in life seems to be aligning to create the perfect storm of pain while other years things do seem to be going a bit better to cause a little less resentment and anger for the cards that I have been dealt.
Nevertheless, every year right around Mother’s Day- the anger and the isolation tend to shine through significantly more than any other time of the year.
The anger is there when I see the mom and daughter together at the nail salon.
The anger is there when I see the mom and daughter shopping.
The anger is there when I listen to all my friends talk about what they are getting their mom’s or what they are doing to celebrate.
The anger is there every time I see a Facebook or Instagram post sharing gratitude for the mom that someone has in their life.
The anger is there every time I know my friend can’t attend our plans because she is doing something with her mom instead.
The anger is there when I feel so lonely around Mother’s Day and feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to about it.
I’m not angry at them. I’m angry at the cards that I’ve been dealt.
I’m not mad that they still have their mom. I’m jealous.
I’m not frustrated at the fact that they get to do these things with their moms. I feel lonely and isolated that I will never get to do these things.
As the years go by, the anger, isolation and jealousy don’t weigh as heavy on the day to day. However, the month and days leading up to Mother’s Day have a way of bringing all of those emotions right back front and center.
For more of Christie’s writing follow her on Facebook
Instagram: healwithchristie
Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother
https://www.facebook.com/iamamotherlessdaughter/
https://www.facebook.com/Motherless-Daughters-153858391294874/?fref=ts