Yes, My Mom Died. No, I Haven’t Gotten Over It

I think something that has been really hard to wrap my head around during the years since my mom died, is how little people understand about how a big loss affects the entire rest of your life. Even though people don’t always say things as harsh as “get over it”, it becomes apparent in their actions and even the way they talk about other people and things that they don’t understand why this is so hard to get over.

I think we all know how quickly people start to disappear. Our mom died. The food came rolling in. The cards. The visitors. The calls and texts. People bombard you. Too much even. But everyone wants to “be there for you.

But the frustrating part? Everyone wants to be there, all at once, at the beginning and then they all leave, go and carry on with their own lives, all at once as well.

People have a way of thinking that after a few weeks after someone has died everything is fine and your life goes back to normal. I think for everyone who has experienced a loss of this magnitude can understand that is not the case. However, for someone who has never been there, I guess they don’t know any better.

The first holiday you receive texts. The first Mother’s Day. The first anniversary. And then suddenly you stop hearing from these people. The next Mother’s Day comes, and you wonder why the people in your life didn’t think to reach out to you. You wonder how people can be so selfish and not think of you. You wonder why nobody understands that this is such a terrible day and that you need all the support that you can get.

Because for someone who hasn’t lived this, they think that you have gotten over it. It isn’t fresh and new anymore and to many other people that means that you do not need the support. Other people have gone back to their own lives and for some crazy reason, they think that you have moved forward with yours.

So yes, my mom did die. And no, I WON’T get over it.

Yes, it’s been awhile. But, I still NEED your support.

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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother

7 thoughts on “Yes, My Mom Died. No, I Haven’t Gotten Over It

  1. My mom has been gone since February 4th 2014 and I’m now 49 years old but the pain of losing her is still fresh!! Of course I have managed to get though my days and I have some really good ones and have a wonderful family but I will never get over not having my mama in my life anymore!! So thank you for sharing this and I’m so sorry for your pain and I get it!!! It’s a one day at a time thing. Some days are good and some are bad but I always tell my self what she would have wanted for me and pray about it and it gets me through most of the time!! And more often than not I just have to have a good little cry and as crazy as it sounds that helps too!!

  2. I totally understand. I even go though this with some of my own family. My brother said, she is gone for 15 years now so get over it already. I say, how do I get over losing a real piece of me? I am a part of my mom. And with her gone I hurt. Just like an amputee still has pain after the limb is gone and disposed of. I lost the part of me that have me life. How does anyone ever get over that? I can’t even talk about her without crying, and it’s been 15 years. ?????? so I send hugs to you, and To let you know you are not alone in your grief. ?????

  3. I totally feel this I miss my mom so much it has not been a year yet and I’ll never get over her..Mommie I miss you

  4. Even my husband doesn’t see how I struggle. Now I express my grief when I’m alone. During the day when it’s just me, or in the shower where no one hears the cries, or late at night when the house sleeps. I only have my broken heart to share it with.

  5. My Mom died 2 months ago today. I found your sight not by accident.
    I believe my mom is trying to help me. Your words in each blog are so real so true.
    I am heartbroken my heart aches everyday for my Mommy. Thank you for all your words they are inspirational.

  6. I always try to remember that people that have not experienced this level of loss don’t understand, and until they do go through it they will not get it. I have lost both my brother at the age of 20 and my mom when she was 57. Both totally different losses and friends that didn’t get it when my brother died over the years experienced loss and were night and day different when my mom passed away.

  7. It has been 30 years since my mother passed and I haven’t got over it I have just learned how to live without her and thats taken almost 30 years.Our mom’s are still with us mine I am certain is looking over my shoulder and sometimes it feels like her arms wrap around me,thats nice. Sometimes i look up to the heavens and just smile and i know shes smiling back. You’ll never get over the loss you will just learn how to manage with her just looking down on us.

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