It’s been a little over 7 years since my mom died. In that time, I have grieved, I have loved, I have lost, and I have grieved all over again many, many times. I’m not the same person I was when my mom was here. A lot has changed, and this grief journey has changed me.
Throughout this journey, many things have changed but also so many things remain the same. No matter how much I have changed and grown as a person, the love I have for my mom has not changed in the slightest. No time apart could change the bond my mother and I shared. Nobody on this earth could ever take her place.
Sometimes it feels like yesterday that my mom died. There are details about that day she died that will forever be engraved in my mind.
The moment my mom took her last breath.
The moment I realized I would never get to hug or kiss my mom again.
My dad crying in my arms.
The pain that followed as people came in and out of my house crying and sharing stories of my mom.
Oftentimes, it really feels like yesterday that this all happened. With all of the things I forget, the details of that day are something that I believe will be with me always.
However, sometimes, it feels like it has been forever.
It seems like it has been forever since I have been able to tell her about my day.
Or lay in bed with her.
Or call her on my way home from work.
Or hear her laugh.
Or see her smile.
These things leave me feeling scared. They leave me wondering how many things I am going to forget.
As much as I know I will never forget my mom and the love we shared, it terrifies me to think about the things that I won’t remember as visibly with the more time that passes.
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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother