The smallest thing that I believe people who still have their moms take for granted is the ability to ask them anything, anytime. I mean the important questions, the little things and even the stupid ones.
There wasn’t a second when my mom was alive that I thought twice about asking my mom things I needed the answer to. It is something that seems so small when you have it, but so big and scary when you no longer have the option anymore.
I never realized how many things I would still need a mom to ask about, until the option wasn’t there anymore. There are so many things that I don’t feel comfortable asking any other woman in my life for the sole reason that they just aren’t my mom.
Therefore, I ask Google instead.
I constantly find myself looking things up online that years ago I would just be able to call or text my mom to get a quick answer to.
The worst part? Every time I find myself doing this the grief of missing my mom hits me hard all over again.
I find myself angry. I am angry that I am here asking a search engine a question that almost every one else in my life gets to just talk to their mom about.
And I mean the little things.
What color shoes can I wear with navy pants?
What do I wear for an interview?
Do my shoes look good with this outfit?
Am I handling something right in my relationship?
Am I overreacting?
Questions that I may kind of already know the answer to but I would love to be able to hear the answer from my mom.
There are so many things as time goes on that I am going to need my mom for. There are going to be more questions that need answers and more situations that would be more comfortable with the guidance of my mother.
This is going to be a void and an absence that I will deal with for the rest of my life.
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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother
https://www.facebook.com/iamamotherlessdaughter/
https://www.facebook.com/Motherless-Daughters-153858391294874/?fref=ts
Just the other day I was in need of stain remover for ink/pencil marks on my daughter’s new white dress. I asked my mother in law (who lives next door) if she happened to have anything I could use but she didn’t. I asked if she knew of a DIY stain remover hacks using baking soda etc but she said no. That’s when I had to turn to Google. After I found what I needed I decided to send her the info so she could have it for future reference. After thanking me she asked "what would/did we do without Google?" I simply said, "I’d ask my mom." I can 100% relate to this blog along with a lot of others by Christielynn. I have yet to find one of her blogs that I cannot relate to in one way or another. Almost everything she blogs about is like I could have wrote it myself. I was 18 when my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer and her fight begun. I was 22 when her battle was over and the cancer won. There are no words to explain what I felt the moment I woke up and heard my phone ringing in the middle of the night when I got the call. I answered so quickly the caller ID didn’t have a chance to identify who was calling but there was no need. I already knew who it was and what the late call was about before I ever said "hello". I felt every possible emotion hit me at one time that for a moment I went numb. There weren’t any tears nor a lump in my throat trying to keep from breaking down. I simply hung up the phone. I sat there without any expression or emotion on my face for what seemed like forever but in reality was only a few minutes. I couldn’t move. It was like I was in a bad dream. I didn’t want to move because if I did, it would no longer be a dream, it would become real. That’s when it hit me and I broke down in tears. Tears from sadness, heartbreak, sorrow, frustration and anger running down my face all at once. It’s been almost 16 years since I lost my biggest supporter, my protector, my confidant, my rock, my best friend and the one who always loved me the most no matter what, my mom. Time changes nothing. It’s still hurts to be without her just as much today as it was the day I got that call. I’ve just learned how deal with it better over the years. I have moments when I breakdown even still.