Since I No Longer Have My Mom, Please Do Not Talk Negatively To Me About Yours

To me, such a simple concept, that so many people in my life just can NOT seem to understand. I totally get that you and your parents are going to fight. Life was not always rainbows and butterflies between my mom and I either.

But COME ON. There are billions of people in this world that you can discuss these things with. There are so many people that you could choose to go to with these types of conversations. Why do you choose me?

I understand that my needs are not the forefront of everyone’s brain, all of the time. I know sometimes things slip out without you realizing. But to me, it is so simple. To not talk about something with someone who has been through the loss of that person.

MY MOM DIED. And she is never coming back. We will never get to argue. I will never get to tell anyone about another disagreement. I wish everyone could see and understand the permanency of that. I wish everyone could understand that even though their moms frustrate the hell out of them sometimes, they still have them.

Your mom is still here. You still have every chance in the world to make your relationship and things between the two of you right.

Life is too short to fight. Life is too short to hold grudges and spend time talking negatively about the people who love you. You start to realize these things when you lose someone as important as your mother.

I don’t expect to always be put first in your mind. I don’t expect that you will never “slip up” or never say something that you don’t realize will upset me. But please be cautious. Please think about my feelings, my life, and my world.

Please remember that although I put on a brave face most days that does not mean I am okay.

That does not mean losing my mom doesn’t still hurt.

It does not mean that I do not miss her, more, with every second that passes.

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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother

https://www.facebook.com/iamamotherlessdaughter/

https://www.facebook.com/Motherless-Daughters-153858391294874/?fref=ts

https://www.facebook.com/MyMomIsInHeaven/?fref=ts

https://www.facebook.com/MyMomIsWithGod/

 

9 thoughts on “Since I No Longer Have My Mom, Please Do Not Talk Negatively To Me About Yours

  1. ohhh, I couldn’t agree more! I’ve heard this so many times, I’ve lost count. You only get 1 mom, and nothing’s forever. 🙁

  2. I miss my mom so much that I just had to stop thinking about her, almost like she didn’t exist. I know that sounds horrible but that is the only way I can go on with life without my best friend, my soulmate since birth. My mom has been gone almost 11 months.

  3. I lost my mom almost 5 years . She passed on Christmas morning from lung cancer. I miss her everyday. Sometimes I still think I need to call mom and tell her something that has happened, then I remember that I can’t. My daughter hasnt spoke to me in over 2 years and has kept my grandsons away from me. I wasn’t even invited to get wedding.

    1. Oh Nan, so sorry for the loss of your sweet mom. Mine has been gone 12 years and I still start to call her.

      And I am really sorry about your daughter. Prayers that she will change.

  4. I lost mine 27 years ago when I was only 20, newly married and pregnant with my first child after losing my dad at 12. There’s not a day that I haven’t thought about her (and him) and ached for just one more minute with her. I watch my friends struggling with their elderly patents now and as difficult as it obviously is, I can’t help but be jealous that they’ve spent their whole adult lives with them. It’s a pain that dulls over time but never heals. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience this too.

  5. Thank you for this. I lost my mom six years ago and my dad three years before that. So it is hard to hear people complain about their mother did this or their father did that. I’ve tried to tell people that they never know how much time they have left with their parents and they tell me yeah sure, but I don’t really believe they believe me.

  6. Hi Christie. I lost my mom 3 years ago at 26 and definitely feel your pain. It’s absolutely gut-, heart-, and soul-wrenching, and I’m so sorry that we’re both in this club. I also lost my dad 7 months after my mom, to suicide. I often think about how neither my mom or dad will ever see me get married, meet my children, etc. I had complicated relationships with both my parents, but it definitely hurt like hell in the beginning, when my pain was SO raw, to hear anyone talk about their parents, good or bad. I have friends (much older than me who still have both their parents) who will "catch" themselves when they realize they’ve just been complaining about their parents being in town for the week and staying with them, etc., and will say things like, "oh my god, I’m sorry; here I am talking to YOU about this." Maybe it’s because they have "caught" themselves and said that, but when this happens, I find myself responding with a variation of "oh that’s okay, if I still I had my parents I most definitely would complain about them from time to time," that their feelings and experiences are not invalidated because some people, including me, don’t have any parents. I don’t know – I feel like my hurt and rage when this happens has morphed into more of an acceptance that I don’t have my parents anymore, and this person talking shit to me about their parents will someday not have them either, and they’ll also probably be cursing themselves for ever complaining about their parents. I don’t know. We’re all different with how we process and go about our grief, grief that will never go away, grief that will always be there but I think, at least for me, is constantly morphing. Sending you LOVE and understanding.

  7. I appreciate this. The other day while I was getting dental x-rays, the technician went on and on about "having" to shop for a refrigerator with her mother, "she just can’t do anything without me being there," and I finally said: I lost my mom almost a year ago and would give anything to take her refrigerator shopping. I tried to say it in a neutral tone, and she didn’t take offense. I felt bad afterward, though. But I just couldn’t listen to much more of that.

  8. I love everything you write! It’s almost like you are writing exactly what I’m thinking and feeling every time! Hugs to you!

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