"Mom Isn't Going To Get Better"
The 6 words that changed my life, for the rest of it. In just 6 words, my life was flipped completely upside down. In this moment, all of the hopes and positivity I had for my mom being the miracle and for her to be the exception, completely disappeared.
In this moment, my journey as a motherless daughter began. Before she had even died, these words had the ability to begin my grief process. These words were the first of many reality checks that this was going to be my life, forever. My mom was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it.
This is something I had 0 control over. No matter how hard I prayed, how good of a person I was, nothing was going to keep my mom here with me.
I can’t even begin to try and explain what that felt like. Hell, most days I still can’t explain what it feels like years later. But what I do know, it is one of the worst feelings in this world and there isn’t quite much that could make it better.
I remember sitting there just staring back at my dad after those words left his mouth. Staring at him in awe, completely numb to what had come out of his mouth.
What do you mean my mom isn’t going to get better?
Could it be possible that I am really going to have to learn to live the rest of my life without her?
That’s exactly what it meant. And I have had to spend every single day since that October afternoon, learning how to live without the person who was always supposed to be there.
I’m still learning. In fact, every day brings about new unexpected challenges that I am left to overcome.
Every day leaves me trying to figure out how to conquer new things without her.
I’m not sure it ever gets easier. They say that time heals everything, but I think we just start to get more used to our pain.
I think time allows us to adjust to things a little better, but living in a world that your mom is no longer apart of certainly never gets easier.
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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother