I don't know about you, but holidays aren't what they used to be for me. They have become something that I often avoid, and definitely are no longer something that I look forward to. They bring clear attention to something so obvious, that my mom, my favorite person, is no longer here.
Walking through the store, I still find things that I wish I could buy for you. I see decorations, that I know you would have found the perfect place in the house for. Everywhere I look, is a constant reminder that you aren't here.
I can't find the excitement that I used to. I can't get that holiday season spark that everyone around me seems to have. Actually, people have a hard time understanding why it is so hard for me to get into the "spirit" of the holiday season.
I miss you. Not just a little. I miss you every day, constantly. There are so many things that I wish you could be here for and there are so many things that are no longer the same without you.
I can't help but think about how different things would be if you were here. I can't help but grieve you all over again, every time that I start to realize our family unit will never be the same.
It's not easy. In fact, every day brings about a new struggle I need to conquer without you. You were supposed to be here for all of these things. You weren't supposed to have to leave so soon.
So here we go, another holiday season that I will be left to miss you. Another holiday season that I will have to find it in me to carry on, no matter how deeply my heart aches for you.
I miss you mom. Merry Christmas.
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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother