I didn’t know how I was going to get through this, and it didn’t feel like it would ever get easier. The grief was unbearable.
At the end of the day, we lost the most important person and it’s okay to admit that things are never going to be the same.
We live in a society that is so terrified to talk about death. For something that is happening every day, all around us, people just don’t know how to communicate about this subject.
It’s safe to say, losing our mom becomes part of us. It becomes part of our identity. Being a motherless daughter starts to fit us into a club that we never wanted to be part of. It is, and will always be part of who we are.
So as another holiday season approaches, I am missing you. I am missing you with every happy moment, along with every sad. So much continues to change, but missing you, is one thing that continues to stay consistent.
It has been something that has made me a better person and has also been something that has made me worse. It has helped reach some of my biggest goals but also has lead to some of my biggest downfalls.
Nobody prepares tho for the ugly array of emotions that are to come after the death of your mom. In fact; I don’t think anyone could prepare you for the roller coaster of grief this brings flipping your life upside down when you least expect it.
You left an impact on everyone’s life that you came in contact with. There was not a person in this world that could say you were anything other than an absolutely beautiful soul.
Things have changed so much and I’m different. I’ve grown a lot since you were here. I’ve overcome a lot of challenges and started to find my way. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve had a lot of triumphs. All of the good and the bad have led me to this person.
Death is a weird thing. It knocks us to the ground but forces us to have to continue on with a new life without one of the most important people.
There is no love like the love that comes from a mother and there is nobody on this earth that could take her place or fill the void of what is missing.
It’s the worst day of the year..
There are so many parts of my life that are never going to be the same.
The 6 words that would change my life forever.
I think I already know the answer to that question.....
It's hard to imagine that there was actually something good that transpired from losing the most important person in my life. It's actually crazy to think that I'm here able to write about something good that has since come from this absolute tragedy that has rocked my world in so many negative ways.
I'm sick of things continuing to be so difficult and looking like the selfish and bratty daughter for not jumping right on board with something that is so hard for me to wrap my head around.
But on the bad days, it makes the pain ache that much more. On the days that seem never-ending, the gaping hole of grief that consumes me gets deeper and deeper.
I wasn't supposed to have to learn to live without my mom. Not at this age at least.
It’s a feeling nobody can quite understand. Not unless they have lived it that is. It’s a pain that you thought was gone, so when it comes back to surface, can even leave you confused as to why and how you are feeling this way.