It’s the worst day of the year..
It’s the worst day of the year..
There are so many parts of my life that are never going to be the same.
The 6 words that would change my life forever.
I think I already know the answer to that question.....
It's hard to imagine that there was actually something good that transpired from losing the most important person in my life. It's actually crazy to think that I'm here able to write about something good that has since come from this absolute tragedy that has rocked my world in so many negative ways.
I'm sick of things continuing to be so difficult and looking like the selfish and bratty daughter for not jumping right on board with something that is so hard for me to wrap my head around.
But on the bad days, it makes the pain ache that much more. On the days that seem never-ending, the gaping hole of grief that consumes me gets deeper and deeper.
I wasn't supposed to have to learn to live without my mom. Not at this age at least.
It’s a feeling nobody can quite understand. Not unless they have lived it that is. It’s a pain that you thought was gone, so when it comes back to surface, can even leave you confused as to why and how you are feeling this way.
New Year’s has a way of bringing many feelings and emotions to the surface. It’s a time to reflect. A time to make goals. A time to think about what the past year has brought, and what the next one will bring.
I don’t want to be treated differently because I’m the girl without a mom.
I don't know about you, but holidays aren't what they used to be for me. They have become something that I often avoid, and definitely are no longer something that I look forward to
It brings us back into the downward spiral that is grief and has us longing for the person that was once our everything. It has this way of bringing the reality we are living to the surface and make us realize that we never really fully healed from the loss of this person, but instead, just started to get used to things the way that they were.
The relationship that was shared between a mother and her daughter is unlike any relationship that a woman will ever experience. Her mother has taught her how to love, how to hate, how to fight, and since losing the most influential person in her life; how to survive.Every important feeling that comes from being in and experiencing love, she has learned from this person who is no longer with her.
To me, such a simple concept, that so many people in my life just can NOT seem to understand. I totally get that you and your parents are going to fight. Life was not always rainbows and butterflies between my mom and I either.
Often times it’s hard to find the words of what it feels like to be a motherless child on Mother’s Day. There are so many ways I would want to explain it, but so many emotions that are nearly impossible to get out.
It’s the pit in your stomach walking into CVS, Wal-Mart or the grocery store months leading up to this day and knowing you are going to be bombarded with a display in front of your face reminding you that you don’t have a mother to share this day with.
Where does the time go? How is it possible that another holiday is here that I have to spend without you? How is it possible that the time has come, once again, to have to look at your empty seat and be reminded that you aren’t here?
I'm not sure which part makes all of this so difficult. Maybe it's because so few people around me can relate. Maybe it's because my life will never be the same. For whatever the reason, I know I'm the girl without a mom and I know that it makes me different.