What It Feels Like To Live With Functional Depression
As the winter seasons are always harder for me.. with the cold, with the holidays... with all of the craziness going on, I always find myself reflecting on how difficult it actually is to live with functioning depression.
See the thing about depression is that you could be feeling absolutely horrible, but you aren't "sick" so you can't just stay home from work or school because of it. You can't call your boss and say, "hey I'm feeling really depressed today I'm not sure that I'm gonna be able to come in." It just doesn't work like that.
Society is set up for it to not work like that. People don't look at depression as being sick. Especially because it isn't something anyone can see on the outside.
To everyone else, you look completely normal. You put yourself together for another day of work and whatever you need to get done. Nobody actually has a clue the battles that you're facing internally.
How do you explain to your family members that the reason you stayed in bed all day isn't because you are sick and isn't because of just one specific thing? How do you explain that you can't control what is in your mind that is making you feel this way?
How do you explain to your boss or your coworkers that the reason you aren't "yourself" isn't because you are physically sick but mentally you are drained and you can't explain why?
How do you explain to your friends why you've bailed on them all week and haven't wanted to leave the house?
How do you explain to the people you love that you need space but are also scared to be alone?
Depression can drain you. It can suck the life out of you at any given moment, when things are actually starting to seem like they are going okay. You can't control it.
You can't control it, and it isn't all that easy to explain to anyone else either.