When The Visitors Stop Coming
I think that any of us that have had to grieve a loved one know exactly how this all goes. This person dies. Everyone stops by. Everyone cooks meals for you. Everyone sends flowers. And then, after the immediate shock has warn off, everyone goes back to their own lives. Everyone gets back to their own lives and quickly forgets that this shock is your reality and you are not going back to your own life, this is your life now.
Don’t get me wrong, it is much appreciated the way people support you in the beginning. It is nice to not have to be alone and know that there are people who love and care for you. However, it is super frustrating the way that so quickly changes.
How do people not see that you are still hurting? How do people not realize that you still need them even though the funeral is over? How is it that people don’t think that a day like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day will always be hard? How do people not realize that you still need support, and that you will for a LONG time.
If there was one piece of advice, I could give someone who wanted to help a loved one that is grieving it would be this.
I would tell them that the months down the road is when they will need you the most.
I would tell them that it’s the special dates and milestones that will be the hardest days for them to cope.
I would tell them to not disappear, never stop checking in and continue to make them feel like their loved one is present and that their grief is still valid.
I would tell them that grief is so much more complicated than a home cooked meal and a fruit basket.
I would tell them that grief is a lifelong journey filled with ups and downs.
I would tell that that they still need you.
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Also, here are some great resources for anyone who has lost a mother