The day my mother died. I remember every single moment like it happened yesterday. It was 5 years ago, and there have been so many things that I have forgot that have happened over those 5 years, but not that day. Not that day and not the days leading up to and following the worst day of my life.
This day every year just plain sucks. It's a reminder of all of the pain I have been through and a confirmation of the reality that for the rest of my life, this day will mark another year that I have lived without my mom.
It's one day that just never seems to get easier. They say time heals all wounds but I'm just not sure if that's true. Sure, things have gotten easier and I have adjusted to this "new" life that my favorite person is no longer a part of. But the day she died, that never gets easier.
Sometimes it seems to get worse every year. It seems like a constant slap in the face that this is my life and I have to deal with it. It just reminds me how much time has actually gone by and how many important milestones that my mom has to miss.
It just plain SUCKS. I don't know how else to put it. The people in my life are wonderful and supportive and help me the very best that they can every step of the way. But that doesn't replace my mom and that doesn't fix the fact that she's never coming back.
I try so hard to be positive on this day. I try to find the good in life. I try to live it for you. I try to hold my head above water and continue with the job and career that I am passionate about. I TRY.
I try because I know you wouldn't want it any other way. I try because you, my favorite person in the world, deserve to watch your daughter kick ass for heaven.
I'll do it for you, but that doesn't make missing you any easier.
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