Find Your Outlet, It Just Might Save You
For those of you that have been following me for awhile, maybe you know many of these things, however, to those of you that don't, I felt compelled to share with you a little more about me and my "story."
Before I go on to the not so fun stuff, let me add I am a 23 year old girl who is about to complete a masters degree in social work. I have the most amazing dad, a wonderful family, supportive friends, 2 really sweet dogs and like to consider myself excellent at balancing just about all of the craziness life throws my way. I am passionate, hardworking and throw every ounce of my energy into just about everything I do.
I've had a rough go this past couple of years. At 18, during my freshmen year in college; my mom, my best friend, the most important person in my world; got diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. In seconds, my life changed forever and there was no going back. There was nothing I could do to save her, nothing I could do to fix her.
In 7 short months, 3 days after my 19th birthday, my beautiful 53-year-old mother that still had so much life to live, took her last breaths with my dad and me by her side.
I guess this was the point where I was supposed to figure out how to survive. I guess this was the point that as a sophomore in college, I had to figure out how to navigate the world without the person who is supposed to be there for all of this.
Fast forward about a couple of years, there I was crying on my bathroom floor gasping for air as I grieved my mom all over again. This time, because of a terrible heartbreak. Losing the person that I had invested so much time in energy with, shown my deepest scars and vulnerabilities to and loved so deeply was devastating.
How is a 22-year-old supposed to go through a heartbreak without her mom? Who is supposed to be there to make everything better? Well, although there was my dad and my wonderful friends and extended family, that wasn't enough to help me fill the missing void that my mom wasn't here.
So there I was- absolutely lost, broken, confused and having no idea what to do or where to go. I could barley figure out how to get myself out of bed for work in the morning let alone figure out how to pick my broken pieces off of the ground.
I never thought that living without my mom could get any worse until I had to go through this gut wrenching pain of losing the person I loved and not having her there to help me through it.
This journey of being a young girl without my mom has been horrifying. There is no way to glamorize the pain and suffering that I have gone through these past 5 years.
But you know how they say in the darkest of times that's how new light gets in? Boy were they right. I found blogging. I found writing. AND IT SAVED MY LIFE.
It sucked away the pain and allowed me to replace the bad stuff, with a ridiculously healthy outlet. It allowed me to help others and throw my energy and passions into something positive.
And when I'm lacking motivation to write, I turn to my other outlet.. running. There is nothing that helps clear my head and give me the perfect amount of inspiration for a new blog like getting lost in the streets around town on a run.
I never realized how simple it could be to channel the negative things I was dealing with into positive outlets, but I found them, and they just so happened to save my life.
I am still a work in progress, I still have a long way to go; however, with this blog I hope to open the door for more of you to find positive outlets and make more of your life about thriving instead of just surviving.
With this blog, and this page, all I hope for is to help others who are struggling feel a little less alone and hear my story, and remember that they aren't the first ones to go through something like this, they won't be the last and there is certainly nothing that they will ever have to go through alone.
Feel free to click on the tab in the bottom left corner and explore the rest of my page.